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Spain’s Roman Catholic Church launches multi-year marriage training

January 15, 2020 No Comments

The Roman Catholic Church in Spain has recently introduced a new programme that will require engaged couples to enroll in a two-to-three year course designed to prepare people for marriage. This decision was created in the hopes of lowering the country’s high divorce rates.

Couples wanting to marry in a Roman Catholic Church in Spain are currently required to participate in 20 hours of marriage training, but priests argue that this is not enough time to prepare for a life-time promise.

Speaking at a press conference, Monsignor Mario Iceta, the bishop of Bilbao and the president of the conference’s subcommittee for the family and the defence of life said, “You can’t prepare for marriage in 20 hours. To be a priest, you need to spend seven years in the seminary, so what about being a husband, wife, mother or father? Just 20 hours?”

The high divorce rate is a cause for concern for many priests. Spain currently has the second-highest divorce rate in the world after Luxembourg. Many blame the “express divorce” law, which speeds up the process of divorce by removing the need for a trial separation. While there is no official data for the last few year, it is estimated that the rate sits at 60%.

To remedy this, the Spanish Episcopal Conference announced their latest voluntary programme for engaged couples called ‘On the Path Together’, designed to “accompany, prepare and help young couples towards the matrimonial vocation”.

The course is divided into 12 sections that focus on different aspects of a relationship, including ‘communication’, ‘fidelity’, ‘the beauty of sexuality’, and ‘conflict resolution’. Couples participating in the course will be required to attend the fortnightly sessions and practice ‘chastity’ throughout.

Feature image: Pexels

In Advice

How to take care of your engagement ring

December 19, 2019 No Comments

Your engagement ring is probably one of your most prized possessions. For many, their engagement ring is also their most valuable piece of jewellery. Not to mention the sentimental value!

The ring is meant to last a lifetime. If you don’t take all the the necessary steps to care for it, it might get spoiled. However, jewellery care is not exactly common knowledge. So, you may be worried about your cluelessness on the subject and the condition of your ring… No need!

Here are some tips and tricks to help you ensure that your engagement ring stays in the best condition possible:

– Have it insured ASAP

This should be one of the first things you do when you come into possession of an engagement ring. It will allow you to wear your ring without being constantly worried about it. Most insurance will cover loss, theft and damage.

– Keep the resizing to a minimum

Having your engagement ring readjusted too many times can cause the metal to become fragile. This will make the ring more susceptible to damage. If your hands swell because of things like pregnancy, it’s best to store the ring away until it fits again, rather than having it resized.

– Buy some ring dishes

A simple but useful tip! Keeping a few ring dishes around the house will ensure that you don’t carelessly misplace it. Whenever you remove it from your finger, pop it in the ring dish and you’ll know exactly where to find it.

– Clean your ring

The option to take your ring to the jeweller for a cleaning is available at most stores. However, cleaning your ring at home is quite easy. Fill a small bowl with lukewarm water and add a drop of dish detergent (ensure that it is not chlorine based). Leave the ring in the water for about 10 minutes, then remove it and scrub it with a soft bristled brush. Rinse the ring and dry it with a lint-free cloth or a hair-dryer.

– Remove your ring when necessary

Swimming, exercising and manual labour are all activities that you should remove your ring for. If you’re going to the beach, for example, it may be better to leave the ring at home.

– Refresh the metal setting

Professions suggest that having the metal setting refreshed every few years is a good habit to get into. Your ring comes into contact with oxygen and moisture every day and this could damage the metal. Keep in mind that different metals have different lengths of durability. Ask your jeweller how often yours should be refreshed.

– Beware of chemicals

Chemicals and abrasive solutions can erode the metal setting. If you’re coming into contact with these, its best to ensure that your ring is far away.

Image: Unsplash

In Advice

What to do as soon as you get engaged

December 13, 2019 No Comments

Getting engaged is a very exciting moment. You feel like you’re living a dream. At the same time, you’re probably feeling frantic because you’re unsure of all the things you need to do as a result. You suddenly feel flooded with responsibility.

Don’t let this exciting time slip through your fingers. Follow this list of things to do as soon as you get engaged, and you’ll feel much better about things running smoothly.

– Take it all in

You’ve just said yes and your mind is already in a hundred different places. Take a breath and live in the moment. This is something you’ll want to remember (with all the little details). Take a photo to capture the moment and spend some time just taking in the joy.

– Start speading the news

Most importantly, you need to let you parents know. Tell your parents first, before you post anything online. Then, make sure you call the other important people in your life. Last but not least, post a cheeky picture to social media, if that’s your style. It’s sure to be your most liked picture yet.

– Celebrate

Spend a night celebrating with your partner. Getting engaged is a huge deal and it’s also a very personal occasion for the two of you. Make sure you spend some time alone.

Thereafter, you may want to have some celebratory drinks or a dinner with your close family and friends.

– Size and insure the ring

In most cases, the ring won’t fit. This is simply because your partner can’t have it sized before the proposal. If it does fit, thats great! If it doesn’t, have it sized as soon as possible. The last thing you want is to lose it.

A similar precaution that is good to take is to have the ring insured. Ask an insurance broker or ask your jeweller for some recommendations.

– Compile an inspiration folder

Start scrolling! Search Pinterest, Instagram wedding accounts (like Wedding ETC’s Insta page), and make Google your new best friend. Look for ideas for your wedding decor, honeymoon, and wedding dress/suit. The sooner you start looking, the sooner you’ll plan your perfect wedding.

– Start thinking details

Set aside some time to speak to your partner about a rough budget for the wedding and honeymoon. Discuss possible dates too.

– Do some research

Wedding photographers, wedding planners and wedding venues get scooped up early. Do some research about which professionals you want involved in your wedding and where you would like it to be. You won’t regret it when you have everything you want.

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In Advice

Bridal shower etiquette: Tips to remember

December 11, 2019 No Comments

Bridal showers are one of the most popular pre-wedding occassions. The event is a party in honour of the bride and a step towards preparing for married life. Brides look forward to spending quality time with their closest female friends and family, and having all the important people get to know each other before the big day.

This can be a heavy weight on the shoulders of those planning the bridal shower. There are quite a few things that need to be kept in mind. We’re quite certain that you want to make the day as amazing as possible.

Here are a few tips to help you ensure that things run smoothly and turn out perfectly:

– Who hosts and pays?

Usually, bridesmaids are the ones who take control of the bridal shower. In fact, tradition (which has changed with the times) says that the brides family should not throw the shower. These days, however, the bride or grooms mother may be involved in organising too. The bride should barely be involved in the planning!

– When and where should it be?

The bridal shower can be held from about 3 months before the wedding to a few weeks before.

The venue depends on the individual circumstances. If the host has a big enough space at home then it could be held there. It could also be at a family members home, or a restaurant.

– Who is invited?

Most importantly, only people who are invited to the wedding should be considered for the bridal shower. Included in the guest list should be the bridal party, the bride and grooms mothers, female family members, and female friends. It is not necessary to invite every single woman in the brides life, just the most important ones.

– When to send out invites?

You should aim to send out the invitations about a month before the time for the latest. This ensures that guests save the date well in advance. It also ensures that guests can plan gifts and travel (if they live far away).

Extra tip: on the invitation you should include the brides name, the hosts information, date, time, location, RSVP information and registry information. Your invite sets the tone for the event, so make sure it looks good too!

– What food do I serve?

Since this is a celebration, it would be appropriate to have some cake and desserts. Finger foods such as sliders, savouries, and sandwiches are also a good addition.

Alcoholic beverages are acceptable, but make sure you keep it classy. Go with some champagne or cocktails. You can also serve tea and coffee towards the end of the event.

– Are there any traditions to follow?

It is generally not necessary to follow tradition if you don’t want to. However, some traditions include having something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue handed over to the bride. Another one that is quite popular is creating a bouquet using the ribbons from gifts and using the bouquet at the rehearsal.

Tradition also says that the shower should include various games about the bride and grooms relationship and games that are a bit embarrassing for the bride. These have mostly faded away over time.

Gift specific tips:

– How do I ask guests to come with gifts?

Most guests will know that a gift is necessary for a bridal shower. However, simply adding the registry on the invitation is an indirect way of reminding guests about gifts. The bride can also request that nobody brings gifts if she so pleases.

– Does the bride open gifts at the shower?

Another bridal shower tradition is one that suggests the bride should open all the gifts at the shower. This is not necessary at all. It could be used as an ice-breaker, but if the bride prefers to open gifts in private thats fine too!

If gifts are being opened at the shower, ensure that somebody is keeping track of who has given what. The bride will need to send thank you cards a few weeks after the shower. If she can’t remember who gave her what, that would be a disaster!

– Hostess gifts?

This one is a bonus tip for the bride. Be sure to get the hostess a gift as a token of your gratitude. Throwing a bridal shower is no small task and we’re sure you want your hostess to know that you appreciate her efforts!

Image: Pexels

In Advice

How to avoid family drama at your wedding

December 9, 2019 No Comments

Everything is organised: Your dress, your hair and make-up. The catering and photography are all systems go and you and your spouse-to-be are super excited for the big day. There’s just one issue left to tackle: the guests. You both love your families, but they can be a handful. This cousin is angry with that aunt, and that uncle hasn’t spoken to this one’s dad in years. Hopefully, you or your partner’s family members are mature enough to behave well at the wedding for your sakes and not ruin your day. But you never know!

So how do you handle family feuds on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of your life? Here are some things to keep in mind to help you prevent the much-dreaded drama:

1. Be smart with seating arrangements
When it comes to practical things like seating, be mindful of who sits next to whom. Of course, it might not be possible to keep everyone happy, but you can at least try to arrange it in a way that arguments will be least likely to break out.

2. Never get involved in the details
Remember, if it’s not your fight, it’s not your place to intervene. You have bigger things to worry about! For you to try and get in between will waste energy and emotional resources you’re supposed to save for joyous moments. Keep out of it as far as possible. When either of the parties involved try to drag you in, just calmly but firmly say something like “I understand that it’s tough for you, and I really appreciate that you’re here for me. I will not be able to talk to him/her about this, but why don’t you join me on the dance floor? I love this song!” This way, you move the attention away from the issue and hopefully remind them that you’re all there to enjoy the wedding.

3. Try to give everyone equal attention
Again, don’t choose sides. It’s important that you show everyone you are happy for them to be there for you and that you appreciate and love them all equally. Avoid spending too much time with any particular person or table so as not to create more friction.

4. Communicate beforehand
If things are that serious and you’re worried it might actually get out of hand, it might be wise to talk to each of the parties involved separately before the wedding day. Schedule a coffee date or write them a personal email explaining that you are looking forward to spend time with them but that you also expect them to behave a certain way on the day out of respect for you. Make it clear that you want them to be comfortable, but that you can’t control everything. Ask them to consider you and your partner during the day and set their differences aside.

5. Enjoy your day – regardless
At the end of the day, you have to choose whether you will allow other people’s behaviour to upset you or not. We know this isn’t always easy, but for one day you are allowed to focus on you and your own joy. Focus on the happy moments and the well wishes, the delightful food and beautiful surroundings. This is meant to be a celebration of love and all you should really be concerned about is the fact that your partner can’t stop smiling at you.

Picture: Pexels

In Advice

Pros and cons of a public proposal

December 4, 2019 No Comments

A proposal should be well planned and deliberately thought out. We’re sure you’ve imagined yours before. Who hasn’t? Perhaps you saw the movie The Wedding Singer, which led you to crave a public display. Maybe you watched Leap Year, and the proposal on the ocean-side cliff led you to consider something more private.

It’s also possible that you’re not sure if you (or your partner) would prefer a public or private proposal. Consider the pros and cons of a public proposal to help you make the final decision.

Pros:

– It will be an event to remember

The public gesture will play like a movie in your partners head for years and years to come. It will likely be one of their fondest memories.

A public proposal also makes it easier for you to catch the moment on video or in a series of photographs. Arrange for a friend or family member to secretly record everything as it happens, and make it a moment that lasts forever.

– You can get other loved ones involved

Sharing this special moment with people who care dearly about you (and your partner) can make it feel extremely special. You’ll get to celebrate your engagement with your loved ones as it happens. On top of that, you can share the planning and preparations for the proposal with everyone you’re inviting to relieve some of the pressure.

– It will be easier to spread the news

If your proposal is public, everyone you care about will either be there when it happens or will find out very soon after. You won’t have to spend a day calling everyone with the good news.

Cons:

– Might not go as planned

If you’ve been together for a long time, and you’ve spoken about marriage, then this shouldn’t be too much of a worry. However, there is always the chance that your partner says no. In public, a “no” will feel so much worse.

On a similar note, you cannot control the environment around you. You could get caught in bad weather, your big question may be drowned out by noise, and other people may try to get involved unexpectedly.

– Unnecessary pressure

You could be putting unnecessary pressure on your partner to say yes, when they aren’t sure they’re ready to. They may feel more comfortable in a private setting to ask you to discuss the proposal and the way forward, but in public they can’t really do that.

You’ll also be putting a lot of pressure on yourself. A public proposal takes a lot of organizing and co-ordinating. If you’re not good under pressure, perhaps you should go for something more manageable.

– Expenses can pile up

If you’re really going big, like writing “will you marry me” in the sky, you may have to spend quite a bit of money. You’ll have to decide if it’s worth it, because that money may be better spent on the wedding itself.

The most important thing to consider about a public proposal is what will be most comfortable for you and your significant other. If you don’t mind the attention and pressure, and the big gesture and fanfare has always been something you wanted, then go for it!

Image: Pexels

In Advice

What to know before you get engaged

November 28, 2019 No Comments

Getting married is a big step. When you enter into a union with someone, you promise to be with them, for better of for worse, for the rest of your lives. Unfortunately, almost of half of marriages today end in divorce.

Marriage is hard, and many walk into it not understanding that reality. While you cannot always be 100% ready, there are many things you can do to prepare yourself for this new life you plan to enter. If you’re thinking of getting engaged, make sure you know these things about your partner beforehand.

Financial situation and spending habits:

Money is a major stress in relationships. Ideally, you need to have a general idea of your significant others financial situation before getting engaged. If someone is in debt or has bad credit, that could impact their partner in the future. You should ideally also know your partners spending habits, so that you’re on the same page about budgeting. This will particularly come in handy when you start planning your wedding.

How you feel about kids:

This is the all-important question. As much as many people dream of one day being a parent, there are others who don’t. Wanting or not wanting kids is an important conversation to have with your partner and can cause big problems in your marriage if you’re not on the same page. If you do want kids, also make sure to discuss how many you want, how you would want them to be raised and the kind of parent you want to be.

Religion/faith/belief systems:

The topic of religion can sometimes be tricky. Whether you’re Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Athiest, the important thing is that your partner knows about your belief system. Its not the particular faith system that is of importance, just how that will impact your relationship. For example, if you follow different faiths and want children, which faith will you raise them in? Will someone be expected to convert?

Their beliefs can also shape how they see things in the world and their stance on issues such as abortion, same-sex relationships, and gender roles. If these causes are important to you and your partner feels differently, that could cause big issues. While you don’t have to agree, you do have to be tolerant of each others beliefs.

Living habits:

If you don’t already live together, you might be in for a shock when you do join homes. It is important to know each others living habits beforehand to prevent future issues. What if your partner loves having people around all the time but you enjoy solitude? Or they’re neat and cannot leave the house in the morning if it’s in a mess while you’re more of a ‘I’ll clean it later’ type of person? Small issues like these can grow into massive arguments if you’re not aware of them beforehand and have established a middle ground.

Love languages:

Love is about more than just lust. It’s about making your partner feel seen. Your love language, or how you express love towards others, can cause issues if your partner cannot identify it. If your love is shown through physical affection but your partners is words of affirmation, they could feel overwhelmed by your constant PDA and long for you to use your words more than your body. When you understand each others love language, you understand the meaning behind each others actions, making your actions that much more impactful.

How to effectively communicate:

Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. If you cannot speak and listen to each other well, your relationship will be fraught with issues. Fore example, If your partner bottles their feelings, that could cause them to build up resentment towards you because they cannot effectively communicate their needs. You, in turn, could end up feeling guilty about something you didn’t even know was an issue. You need to know how to discuss and resolve conflicts in a healthy way that won’t exacerbate issues.

Family and friend dynamics:

Hopefully, if you’re at the point of getting engaged, you’ve met your significant others’ family and friends. These people have known your partner longer than you, and can thus give you greater insights that you might not have known.

While you might be used to your specific family dynamic, your partner might have a completely different one. For example, if you’re family is the overbearing type, your partner needs to be prepared for them most likely having lots of opinions on your marriage. Understanding family dynamics will allow you to place boundaries on what is acceptable behaviour and what isn’t, making family gatherings much easier.

Your goals for the future:

While we can’t predict the future, we can be honest about our desires. If you have specific goals that could make considerable changes to your life, your partner needs to be aware of them. Popular grounds for divorce is that couples want different things. What if you’ve got dreams of relocating to the city while your partner wants a quiet life in the suburbs? Or you want to be a career woman but your partner expects you to become a stay-at-home mom? These differences in life goals can breed resentment if not discussed beforehand in a healthy manner.

Image: Pexels

In Advice

How love languages work

November 5, 2019 No Comments

Relationships are hard. They require give and take. At the end of the day, being in a relationship means making yourself and your partner feel love and happiness. However, love comes in many forms.

This is where love languages come in. A love language, coined by author and relationship counsellor Gary Chapman, is a way in which someone expresses their love and appreciation towards themselves and others.

In his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Chapman explains that each person has a primary love language, but can express love in many of them. It can depend on our personality types, and we can also learn our love languages from experiences.

“My conclusion after thirty years of marriage counselling is that there are basically five emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love,” Chapman explains in this book. “The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse.”

While Chapman focuses on romantic love, this concept also refers to familial and friendship love.

The five core love languages are:

– Words of affirmation – using words to encourage, appreciate and express love. For example, “You look incredible today”, or “Thank you for cooking dinner tonight, it was great.”

– Gifts – physical gift-giving and tokens of appreciation. Examples include buying someone flowers or leaving love notes for them to read.

– Acts of Service – providing an act of kindness for someone that you know they would appreciate. Examples include making them a cup of coffee or cooking a meal.

– Quality time – spending time with your spouse, even if it’s not doing anything specific. This includes taking them out on dates, or having a heart-to-heart talk.

– Physical touch – hand holding, kissing, hugs and all other forms of physical touch.

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Decades after the book was published, Chapman’s words still ring true. Many relationship experts today argue that the building blocks of a healthy relationship lie in understanding your partner’s love language.

Speaking to Cosmopolitan UK, relationship counsellor Gurpreet Singh said that, “There are two people in the relationship, their expectations are different, their needs are different, their way of communication is different. Everything about them is different. There are similarities of course, but opposites attract quite a lot. When you’re attracted to someone that’s different to you, it is almost necessary you will run into things about the person that grate on you.”

Your partner’s love language signals how they see love and how they would like to receive it. Once you know how you partner wants to be loved, you can start incorporating those actions into your daily life.

To identify your partner’s love language, you should take note of the small things they do. You can also simply ask them what makes them feel loved and cherished.

When you can identify and understand your partner’s love language, you can begin to see the ways they represent their love everyday. Their actions, which might have meant little to you before, now become significant. For example, your partner’s love language may be physical touch and they are therefore incredibly affectionate towards you, something you might have once thought of as a sign of insecurity. When you can identify that their physical affection is their main sign of love, you can begin to appreciate those small moments for what they are. You can also be a bit more physical with your affection to show that you acknowledge how they want to be loved. Of course, your partner should do the same.

Another important thing not to forget is to practice self-love. When you can love yourself and identify the ways in which you show love, you are in a much greater position to love others.

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In Do's And Don'ts

Best and worst engagement photoshoots

November 4, 2019 No Comments

You know how it goes: Photos or it didn’t happen. Recently, it has almost become a competition, with some couples going to extreme lengths to do certain poses and photographers bending over backwards to capture it on film. Some fail hilariously, others make for incredibly beautiful photos. We’ve found the best and worst.

The best

We’ve all seen them, and we’ve all wished we were in them. Some engagement photoshoots out there are simply jaw-dropping, and here are the best ones we found.

Playful:

Include your pet:

Romantic:

Funny:

The worst

From going horribly wrong, to just plain uninspired, here are the worst. Don’t try this at home.

Uhm…

Breaking bad indeed

Careful now!

Why though?

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In Advice

A quick guide to women popping the question

August 8, 2019 No Comments

Traditionally, it has always been that the man proposes to the woman. But in this day and age where gender roles are changing and same-sex relationships are legal and accepted, more and more women are bending the knee.

Just do it

Whether you’re a woman in a same-sex relationship or a straight relationship, you should disregard what is traditionally accepted and be able to propose to your partner. If you feel the time is right and that you and your partner are in a place to get married, there is no need to wait for them to propose; you can ask them to marry you.

The moment

The proposal should go the same as any traditional proposal in the sense that you plan the proposal. Look at creating a special moment that will become a beautiful memory in your relationship.

A symbol of love

If you are a woman proposing to a woman, then it is likely that you will present an engagement ring. If you’re a woman proposing to a man, you should consider presenting some sort of gift that they can keep forever and has sentiment to it. A great proposal gift for a man is a watch, and a great addition to that would be to get it engraved.

Despite the fact that a woman proposing is not the norm, it certainly should be. With the dismantling of gender roles, leaving proposals solely up to men should be dismantled too.

At the end of the day, it is a decision to get married and it should not matter who asked whom.

Image: Unsplash

Do’s And Don’ts