We live in a culture that values “experiences”. These are often promoted in the media, and by those selling them, as vital to enhancing our well-being.

We all know big life events like marriage, parenthood, job loss and the death of loved one can affect our well-being. But by how much and for how long?

We set out to measure the effect of major life events – 18 in total – on well-being. To do so we used a sample of about 14,000 Australian adults tracked over 16 years. Some of our results were expected. Others were surprising.

Overall, our results show good events like marriage improved some aspects of well-being, but bad events like health shocks had larger negative effects. For good and bad events, changes in well-being were temporary, usually disappearing by 3-4 years.

Here are some of our most interesting findings.

Happiness versus life satisfaction

Our study distinguished two different aspects of well-being: “happiness” and “life satisfaction”. Researchers often treat these as the same thing, but they are different.

Happiness is the positive aspect of our emotions. People’s self-reported happiness tends to be fairly stable in adulthood. It follows what psychologists call “set point theory” – people have a “normal” level of happiness to which they usually return over the long run.

Life satisfaction is driven more by one’s sense of accomplishment in life. A person can be satisfied, for example, because they have a good job and healthy family but still be unhappy.

Life events often affect happiness and life satisfaction in the same direction: things that make you happier tend to also improve your life satisfaction. But not always, and the size of the effects frequently differ.

In the case of having a child, the contrast is stark. Right after the birth, parents are more satisfied but less happy, possibly reflecting the demands of caring for a newborn (eg. sleep deprivation).

Changes are temporary

After almost all events (both good and bad), well-being tends to return to a personal set point. This process is known as the hedonic treadmill – as people adapt to their new circumstances, well-being returns to baseline. This has been found in other studies as well.

The good news is that even after very bad events, most people seem to eventually return to their set-point well-being level. Even after an extremely bad event such as the death of a spouse, people’s well-being generally recovers in two to three years. This doesn’t mean they don’t carry pain from the experience, but it does mean they can feel happy again.

Bad events affect us more

The detrimental effects of bad events on well-being outweigh the positive effect of good events. Negative effects also last longer. This is partly because most people are happy and satisfied in general, so there is more “room” to feel worse than better. In fact, we can’t confidently say there is any positive cumulative effect of good events on happiness at all. However, marriage, retirement, childbirth and financial gains all temporarily improve overall life satisfaction.

Our finding that “losses” hurt more than “gains” mirrors decades of behavioural economics research showing people are generally “loss averse” – going to more effort to avoid losses than to chase gains.

The bad events that have the largest total effects are death of a spouse or child, financial loss, injury, illness and separation.

Small, fleeting effects

Starting a new job, getting promoted, being fired and moving house are events that people often fixate on as either stressful or to be celebrated. But, on average, these don’t seem to affect well-being that much. Their effects are comparatively very small and generally fleeting.

This could be because of differences in the nature of these events for different people, or that they frequently occur. For example, being fired can be devastating. But for someone close to retirement who receives a large redundancy payment and moves to the coast, it might be a positive experience.

An important caveat to our study is that it reflects the average experiences of people. There are likely to be some people who experience long-lasting improvements in well-being after good events. There will also be people who experience sustained decreased well-being after bad events. In future work we hope to identify these different people and isolate the characteristics that predict what responses to different events will look like.

The things that matter

Our results caution against chasing happiness through positive experiences alone. The impact, if any, seems small and fleeting, as the hedonic treadmill drags us back to our own well-being set point.

Instead, we might do better by focusing on the things that protect us against feeling devastated by bad events. The most important factors are strong relationships, good health and managing exposure to financial losses.

In 2020 we might also take consolation from the fact that, although it will take time, our well-being can recover from even the worst circumstances.

We humans are a resilient bunch.

This article is written by Nathan Kettlewell, Chancellor’s Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Economics Discipline Group, University of Technology Sydney; Nick Glozier, Professor of Psychological Medicine, BMRI & Disciplne of Psychiatry, University of Sydney, and Richard Morris, Research scientist, University of Sydney

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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Traditionally, a woman’s father walks her down the aisle. This is an old tradition which stems from the days of arranged marriage but today can be a bonding moment between father and daughter. However, not everyone has a father they can walk down with.

If you’re someone whose father has passed away or you have a strained or uncomfortable relationship with your father, here are a few ways to ask that special person to make their way down the aisle with you.

Personalised Card 

This is the best choice as it gives you the space to write out exactly how you feel and express to the person how much they mean to you. It is also simple and easy to do, so you don’t have to splash out on anything too expensive.

Tie in a box 

This works if the person you’re asking is a man but this doesn’t have to be the case. Whoever you’re asking, you could surprise them with a little gift they could wear on the day as a gesture of their role in your wedding. A tie is great for a man as it could match your decor ideas but think of something that’s special to your relationship with that person.

Flower arrangement

Not to make flowers gendered but it is likely this would be for a woman you pick to join you down the aisle. Although, if there is a man in your life who you know likes flowers then this works too. Most flower companies can deliver your bouquet with a note. This makes it a great option if you’re asking someone who lives far away.

A one-on-one chat 

This is actually the simplest option. You can express everything with no limitations and it’s a great way to have some alone time with this person, who must fill a significant role in your life. Take them out for lunch or an activity you both enjoy and bring up the idea with them while you’re at it.

How to tell your father it’s not him

This is a very tricky situation. If your father is still alive but you would rather he didn’t walk you down the aisle, this is a conversation you will need to have. This is because the expectation is set as a result of tradition.

While there is no perfect way to let him down, if you have to go through the motion try to make it as unantagonistic as possible. Do it in a space he will feel safe, like his home, so he doesn’t become embarrassed and lash out. Clearly structure what you’re going to say so you don’t end up becoming emotionally overwhelmed and ultimately go into the experience understanding he may be hurt and there is nothing you can do about that and it is something he will have to deal with.

Picture: Unsplash

Looking to have a trendy vibe and capture some beautiful memories at your wedding? Incorporating technology into your wedding is sure to make it a unique experience that you will be able to look back on and cherish forever.

Here are five easy ideas that are worth the extra cost.

1. GO-PRO CAM

Go-Pro cameras are a big trend at the moment and are intended to be used in creative ways. If you want to get some interesting videography or photographs, you can attach a Go-Pro to your flower bouquet to capture some hidden moments, or strap it your dog’s collar and let them wander around to all of your guests. You’ll be able to look back and laugh at some incredible moments you wouldn’t have captured otherwise.

2. SELFIE STATION

Instead of a simple photo booth, set up a selfie stand kitted out with a themed background, selfie sticks, phone chargers and props that your guests can use to take pictures they will cherish. You can also include a personalised hashtag to use in social media posts, making it easier to get all the wonderful photographs together.

3. LIVE STREAMING

If you have guests who are unable to attend the big day, an option is to live stream the event on social media or on a website where your loved ones can watch at home or wherever they are. This way they won’t miss out on any of the incredible moments at your wedding.

4. DRONE FOOTAGE

Drones are able to cover a wide range, which is what makes them so suitable for big events. However, they also work well to add a creative aspect to small spaces. You’ll be able to get up close to your guests and catch them all having a great time on the dancefloor from afar. This works well with a Go-Pro.

5. SATTELITE BAR

Want to impress your guests? Get a portable and automatic cocktail machine to serve a signature cocktail at your wedding. The robotic machine can be programmed to make a specific drink, and then serve it to your guests. This will be in addition to your cash-bar for other drinks.

Picture: Unsplash

For centuries, it has been an enduring wedding tradition that a father walks his daughter down the aisle on her big day. As the first moment guests (and the bride’s partner) sees the bride, this is a pretty big deal.

While usually a sweet and sentimental moment, it comes from less than heartwarming origins. According to wedding historian Susan Waggoner, this tradition comes from the days when arranged marriage was a normal custom in society.

Speaking to Brides, she explains: “this custom stems from the days of arranged marriages when a father’s looming presence was a good way to prevent the groom from backing out.”

In many societies, a bride was considered a form of financial liability who could be transferred from her father’s household to her eventual husband’s home.

With marriage being more of an economic choice than a romantic one, some grooms got spooked at the thought of getting hitched. This is where dads came in. Fathers would act as a physical reminder (and threat) of the deal, making grooms more likely to go through with the wedding.

Over the years, as with virtually every other wedding tradition, the origins of this custom has become sanitised and romanticised. Today, its a special moment for brides to walk arm in arm with their father on such a special occasion.

As the times have changed, however, so has the tradition. Some brides don’t have fathers and have alternative family members walk them down the aisle. Some share strained relationships with their dads, and choose to not partake in this tradition at all. In the case of some same-sex couples, it might be a groom walking down the aisle instead of a bride.

The beauty of weddings nowadays is that couples have choices. Some traditions, while sentimental for some, are outdated or hurtful to others. There is no one way to get married. Traditions are not required, and rules don’t always have to be followed.

Picture: Pexels